Monday 5 November 2012

What really drives OCD?

As an individual with OCD there are many areas of my attempts at Gospel living that can become confused. Let me be clear that the Gospel is real. It is true. God lives and He knows and loves us. As I lock in hard to my OCD version of Gospel living, problems can and do occur. I once was walking down the street outside a gas station and saw a razor blade on the street. What should I do? I picked it up and put in the trash, only after some deliberation. If I leave it, i thought, someone might get hurt and that would be my fault. After throwing it in the garbage can, I worried about the garbage person. They might get cut when they pull the bag from the can, which again would be my fault. Either way trying to do the "right thing" had caused me serious issues. I decided to tell the attendant about it. He listened, probably felt sorry for me and I felt better. As a home teacher it pained me to miss an appointment as this would be less than perfect service and I would feel guilty. I did not always have the needs of the saints in mind when i would leave to home teach, just the desire to not offend God and feel bad. These are examples of how I have been affected, but, all in all, as time passes I learn a little here and there that helps me. f you suffer from OCD type issues, have you ever considered what it is that drives your fear? When i need to go back to the office to check the PC is switched off and the staff kettle is turned off, what is that all about? I think it really relates to fear of getting into trouble. If, as my mind races through all the consequences, I really break it down it usually corresponds to fear of man. If I don't check and there is a fire, I will be responsible and in deep trouble along the way. Having made such a discovery, does it change my behaviour? Nope! It does help me know where I may need to change in time. I am on a healing journey. I will not lie down to feelings of despair and fear (I hope and pray that I won't at least). I hope my blog can help you know that healing is out there and that there are others who suffer too. Thanks for reading. Until next time..............

8 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. I'm interested in interviewing you about your challenges with OCD. Please send an e-mail to eve.hart@ldschurch.org.

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    1. Sure. I'll get in touch. What are you thinking of putting together?

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  3. I'm working on an article that clarifies gospel principles such as perfectionism, discerning the Spirit, and applying the Atonement. I'm hoping to interview members who have been working on staying active while struggling with OCD to find out how they make the gospel work for them. It would be great if I could interview you via email or phone.

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  4. Please email me at iharteve@gmail.com if you have time. Thank you!

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  5. I know someone who struggles with OCD related to gospel living. I need to learn how to help him. He feels very alone in his struggle and I feel clueless as to how to support him. How do I help him live the gospel without obsessing about it?

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  6. I think that the first step is to consider encouraging him to talk to his Bishop. It is easy to lock in hard to the perfectionistic frequency in relation to Gospel living. Many times members are invited to do better, work harder and be more effective. These points are good but the OCD mind can respond in an unhelpful way. Hopefully the Bishop can help. Elder Holland's recent conference address was great, as was President Uchtdorf's from the Priesthood session.

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  7. I have to express my gratitude to you for sharing this. I have a difficult time with every little mistake I make and I obsess over it and feel overwhelming urges to act out to "make it right" when no crazy action is necessary or required. I love how you called it "OCD version of the gospel". I have felt so alone in dealing with my OCD regarding gospel living. I feel by calling it the "OCD version of the gospel" it puts my negative thoughts and urges in it's deserved place. I can't thank you enough. I don't feel so alone anymore, at least for the time being.

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