Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Let me introduce my dear friend.........OCD.

I mentioned in a previous post that I would take some time to outline how my OCD has changed over the years. I have always been a worrier. Even as a child I would worry about things excessively, usually being scared of getting into trouble.

It all kicked off at the age of about 19. I worried that I had contracted a fatal disease. That was fun. I would worry and ruminate over this until I went to the doctor and he told me there was nothing wrong with me. I almost took his word for it but ovtime that faded away.

I have had weird experiences from time to time. WHen walkikng to Church one morning, I saw a razor blade on the ground outside a petrol station. What do you do? Ignore it? Stick it in a rubbish bin? Not me. This was a job for OCD man (complete with cape and super hero tights)! I agonised over it before putting it in the bin. "Oh no! now what should I do?" Well I went into the station and explained the issue to the atendant making him aware that there was a razor blade in the bin and please be careful when you empty the bin and don't get cut. Way to go!

I have been convinced I have run someone over while driving a van around town. The van must have clipped a kerb. The obvious cause of this bumping sensation? "I've hit someone!" "No-one to be seen." The solution? Drive up and down the street looking for the poor victim that has been struck. Oh boy!

I worked in a restaurant and had the responsibility to clean up. The place had some nooks and crannies that were generally left untouched by cloth and mop. Not on my shidt. I would go wild making sure everything was clean. No way was any bad bacteria going to poison customers when I was on shift. I just couldn't relax about it and caused myself some aggravation. I did a lot of hand washing in this place too.

I can't tell you the number of times when leaving the office I have checked and rechecked that switches are off and that windows are closed.

So you see I have been a ruminator, a checker, a cleaner, a hand washer among other things. You can se how OCD shifts and is multi-faceted. What an adorable little disorder, always changing so you are never bored. Also, I always have my OCD to keep me company, such a dear friend indeed.

Is there a driver behind these situations? Having carefully considered it, I think that it corresponds to fear of man. In each of the situations I was carefully controlling my life or my environment in order not to make mistakes that would see me punished by man or God. I'm not sure why this fear is so prevalent. That's something I will need to figure out.

Until next time................

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