Sunday, 29 April 2012

Look Up

I went out for a run recently. In all honesty, I am no athlete. In addition to this I have been trying to get some help for my sore back and neck. The treatment guy said I need to straighten up and sort out my posture. I have been trying to straighten my back and hold my head up a bit more. There I was, running (and walking) through my local public park. It's a hilly spot that causes some toil on my part. I remembered to straighten up and, boy oh boy, did it ever help. I could see things like trees and sky. They had been strangely missing in the past. It only then struck me that I was too busy looking at the ground or even my feet that I missed out on all of this. I ran on with a little more vigour than I had before. Isn't that just the way of things. I live in my OCD bubble. Ruminating about this or that. Did I really think....? What was my true intention.....? What did I really mean......? It's like staring at the ground on a sunny day, surrounded by beauty, looking at dirty gum marks on the pavement. I am only beginning to learn this stuff now after suffering from OCD for nearly 20 years. It is really painful living. It can stop you in your tracks and make you believe that you are bad, wrong, filthy despite the endless exertion of perfectionistic living. For me I am looking for some more steps into healing. I suspect I need some more outside input soon. LDS Family Services maybe? Perhaps I could have some conversations with my Heavenly Father (a no brainer really). While I figure out the next steps I am going to give myself the following advice: Lift your head up! Look around! Breathe! Feel! Until next time.

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