Wednesday, 4 April 2012

OCD, Fear, Stress and Fatigue

Dear fellow OCDers (and any interested parties). I have some new insights into my issues. I had a good chat with an LDS counsellor lately. I walked in to the office expecting to dig deep into my ruminations. I tend to compulsively ruminate on my worthiness. My LDS counsellor started by asking me questions about a host of seemingly unrelated issues e.g. changes in life, work etc. Odd it seems? Not really. I have learned that stress and fatigue kick in to make the OCD cycle worse. If I can manage to get some balance in my life and enough sleep things will get better. It is sometimes, therefore, more helpful to get stuck into these factors than to wire into the compulsive thinking or behaviours.

Here's the question. Does this realisation cause me to slow down and take better care of myself? The answer - Not particularly. Another consideration for me is that I tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist. Oh yes! Perfectionism and OCD, what a combo. My fear of others and desire to do things right (with a capital R) causes me to be driven forward in an unrelenting manner. Perfectionism and OCD cause a lot of fear.

It is worth noting that I have locked in hard to a dodgy frequency of inappropriate levels of self improvement. This is not the fault of the Church but relates to faulty thinking/interpretation on my part. The challenge is to eliminate the faulty parts so I can feel a bit better.

By the way. Things will get better, I am sure. I have been a washer, lock checker etc. throughout my life and my OCD has a fairly changeable quality. The pain of the OCD problem is pretty acute and I think it is time for a step in recovery.

Anyway I will sign off at that and will post more about my recovery, even though I'm feeling worse at the moment! Great!

On a spiritual note, I believe that the Lord is real and will intervene. I am posting this as a declaration so that you can watch my recovery, initiated by Him, and receive hope. If you have OCD hang in there and be kind to yourself.

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